We have all, at one point or another, wished for more time in our day to do the things we want to do – something cool or adventurous or peaceful. Well, what if I told you there was (probably) a single activity in your day that you could leverage to gain significantly more time and control over your life?
My Experiment
In January, I ran an experiment. One month, no video streaming. For me that meant spending no time on YouTube, Netflix, or Disney+, with the exception of study or social situations. The reason I did this is because I realised that I had developed a habit, a default behaviour, that was preventing me from living my life with agency. Whenever I had a period of time free of any real commitments, I would find myself on my phone, clicking on video after video. They were interesting, to be sure, as I mostly watch educational or martial arts channels, but I always wondered what might be possible in this time if I put it towards something more intentional. And while this experiment didn’t transform me into a superhuman of intentional living, the results were nonetheless impressive.
During those 31 days, I read 5 books, got halfway through a couple more, doubled down on a regular stretching routine that was already making me noticeably more flexible, and found time to work on a coding project at my university that would never have fitted into my schedule otherwise.
Just like my time-consuming video streaming habit, I believe most people have a similar online behaviour – a digital default – that naturally sucks them in whenever they don’t have anything too important or urgent on their plates. Furthermore, most people have probably given very little thought towards where this habit came from, and whether it’s helping them live a more intentional life.
You’ll note that this article isn’t about general time-wasting habits. Whilst plenty can be said on that topic, I think that digital habits are not only the most prevalent of these, but also consume more of the average consumer’s time and energy. When you make the effort to replace these habits with something more intentional, the return on investment is high. A large reason for this is because many digital services, such as social media and video streaming, use attention engineering and artificial intelligence in order to get you to spend as much time and energy on their products as possible.
Now, maybe you aren’t like most people, and you don’t have such a default at all. Maybe you thought about yours already and decided to change it to something that gives your life extra flavour. Maybe you think your life is perfectly fine how it is. If so, well done! This article may not be for you.
On the other hand, you may fall into one of the three categories of objections below:
Objection One: But I don’t have a digital default!
This is the first common objection to hearing that some digital product is supposedly diminishing your happiness. It is possible, but I think some people simply don’t recognise their default activities. For example, according to this website, the average internet user spends two and a half hours on social media per day. The average American in 2017 also watched 71 minutes of Netflix per day. I didn’t include these statistics to shame you for using the internet; they simply give an indication of how much time is (often unknowingly) spent online.
Not only do you probably have a default activity like those listed above, but what you thought was a spontaneous decision to spend time on it was probably strongly influenced by Silicon Valley corporations. And it’s a safe bet that they’re more focused on generating profit than helping you live a fulfilling life.
Objection 2: But I enjoy it!
The second objection is that “yes, I have some regular digital habit that I spend a lot of time on. But I enjoy it, so who cares?”
But think back, to the times in your life where you’ve truly felt joy, or peace or a deep excitement about some activity – the times where you wanted to jump out of bed in the morning to do something. Some adults don’t experience this very often. You may have to look back to your childhood.
Chances are, whatever memories you conjured up just now weren’t gaming, or watching Netflix, or scrolling Instagram. They were probably learning something new, or spending time with someone you care about, or creating something cool!
If you want more of these special moments in your life – moments where you feel alive and the world seems to glow – you have to look at what activities are most likely to get you there!
Objection 3: But it’s how I unwind!
The third objection is that “yes, I know I spend a lot of time on X activity, and it may not bring me deep joy, but I’m tired after a long day of work and this is my way of relaxing. I need to do nothing and let my mind switch off for a bit.”
However, if you think that your brain is relaxing just because you aren’t making lots of decisions, you would be wrong. Studies show that the parts of your brain associated with social worth go on high alert when you go on social media. Similarly, when watching TV, the emotional centres of the brain can become activated as if we were living out the scenarios we see on the screen.
The lesson is that these activities that are often associated with ‘doing nothing’, or ‘taking a break’, are anything but from the perspective of our brains. In reality, our brains are working as hard as ever. This might explain the phenomenon of spending hours binge-watching a show, only to feel completely drained by the time you stop.
Rather than see our brains as muscles that are either working or relaxed, it is crucial to recognise the more complex reality that a brain can be working in many different scenarios which in theory look like rest. The best activities to recover from fatigue are either sleep (in the form of a nap or earlier night), or something which energises and excites you.
What to replace it with?
So, let’s say you recognise some activity which isn’t helping you live a fulfilling life, and decide to remove it. The next logical question is what should you spend your newfound time on? I can’t give an exhaustive list, but here are some ideas:
Do something creative
And no, creativity is not limited to music or painting. It could be trying to cook an extra-fancy meal, or writing a story, or making up a fun little game to play with your niece next time you go visit.
I think creativity is a large part of what makes us human, and it’s hardwired into us through evolution. Creating something, however small, leaves you feeling like a more capable and unique human.
Go do sports
This has many benefits. Exercise is shown to be great for all aspects of your mental and physical health. Plus, if it’s an outdoor sport, you get fresh air and sunshine. If it’s a team sport, you even get social time with your teammates as an added bonus.
Learn something new
Learning some kind of new skill can be incredibly rewarding. Just as humans are wired to be creative, we are also wired to be curious and enjoy developing new skills and knowledge. This might be something useful you’ve always wanted to be able to do, like learning some house DIY. Or it might be learning to juggle, because hey, why not?
How do I stop?
Even if you’re convinced that your time isn’t currently being well spent, and you would like to take a step towards a more intentional life, you may still struggle with actually quitting your habit. You may resolve to stop, only to find a few days later that you’re slipping back into old patterns. This is normal.
As mentioned earlier, your digital habit is probably enhanced by software designed to keep you hooked, and at this point that habit may have had years to entrench itself in your brain.
To help in the transition, I have a few suggestions:
1. Do a thirty-day trial
The idea of a thirty-day trial is simply that you commit to a new habit for thirty days, and thirty days only. This has a few benefits:
Firstly, it will tell you if your life has actually improved. Rather than taking my word for it, which will only motivate you so much, feeling a higher quality of life first-hand will help the habit stick later. Or, if the change doesn’t improve your life, you go back to what you were doing, guilt free.
Secondly, it’s short enough that it’s doable. If you commit to a big change forever from the beginning, you’re much less likely to stick to it than if you know it’s only for a month.
Thirdly, if you do decide that it’s a change worth keeping, you already have a month’s worth of momentum living the new way, which gets you through the hardest part of changing yourself .
I recommend writing down the conditions and exemptions of your thirty day trial on paper. Research shows that writing down a commitment makes you much more likely to stick to it.
I would also recommend stopping your digital default habit entirely for the first month. This is much easier to stick to than if you are allowing it under conditions that can slowly creep back to pre-trial you. Sometimes, this is not possible. In that case, clearly write down when and where you are allowed to do that activity.
2. Know what you’re replacing it with
If you don’t already have a plan to fill the time void left by quitting your previous habit, you will likely be compelled to go back to it. Humans don’t like boredom. Plan out one or two things you’d like to try in your newly won free time to avoid this.
3. Make it hard to follow old patterns
Delete the app from your phone. Log out of your accounts. Small steps to increase the effort it takes to resume your old habits will make it that much easier to stick to your new commitment.
Why this matters
Life is short, and time is the currency of life. Most of us spend a significant chunk of time on fixed commitments like school, work and parenting. Therefore, making the best use of the time we can control is especially important. Even if you don’t make any big changes after reading this, if it causes anyone to spend a little time thinking about how they can live more intentionally, then this article has done its job.